Should OCD be a Family Affair?
August 15, 2011 at 3:57 pm 4 comments
When Dan was first diagnosed with OCD, I wanted details. What was he thinking, how was he feeling, is today better or worse than yesterday? The problem was, Dan would not, or could not, share the details of his disorder with me. He was even reluctant to see a therapist because he thought everything they spoke about would be relayed to his parents. Once I explained “doctor-patient confidentiality” to him, he couldn’t get to the therapist fast enough.
I now realize that Dan was right. I was better off not knowing. Dan’s OCD dealt with mostly mental compulsions and therefore was not obvious at the time, and while I wouldn’t go so far as to say I had my head in the sand, I certainly had no idea how much he was already suffering. I think if I had known, I would have accommodated him incessantly, and my heightened anxiety levels wouldn’t have done him any good either.
I wonder how many teens and young (and not so young) adults are hesitant to share details of their OCD with their families, specifically their parents. From the blogs and forums I’ve visited, my guess is: a lot. Why? Is it because family members are just too close for comfort or can’t understand what the OCD sufferer is going through? One explanation that I have seen often is that many parents minimize the OCD with comments such as, ”Oh, I do that too,” or “It’s no big deal, you’ll be fine.” Whether these reactions stem from denial, guilt, or something else, I don’t know. But this lack of support can be devastating for an OCD sufferer.
As with most illnesses or disorders, people with OCD seem to benefit from interaction with others who can truly understand what they are going through: fellow sufferers. Social media sites, conferences and support groups for those with OCD are widespread. And so I don’t think family members need to know details of a loved ones OCD if the sufferer does not want to share. What families really do need to know, however, is how to respond appropriately to their loved one with OCD, as this can be paramount to recovery. And maybe what those with OCD really need most from their families is what all of us need and deserve: acceptance, understanding, and love.
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Entry filed under: Mental Health. Tags: acceptance, accommodation, anxiety, conferences, denial, family interactions, guilt, love, mental compulsions, OCD, OCD awareness, OCD in families, parent's reaction to OCD, sharing details of OCD, social media, support groups, teens with OCD, therapy, understanding, young adults with OCD.
1.
livingtheocdlife | August 16, 2011 at 1:57 am
At least for me, I don’t share many details with anyone because I’m embarrassed by what the obsessions all entail. It’s hard to talk about, it’s scary, and it’s something I don’t expect others to really understand. It’s nice to know people that love me are there to listen, but for me, OCD is a personal struggle and I typically only share when I feel comfortable. I think you hit the nail on the head…families are great at giving the love and acceptance.
2.
ocdtalk | August 16, 2011 at 2:25 am
Thanks for your comment. I actually think you hit the nail on the head: OCD is a personal struggle. It’s just hard to watch someone you love suffer and not be able to make it “all better.”
3.
PinkMom07 | August 17, 2011 at 11:53 pm
You are exactly right. Even though I know, in hindsight, that I was suffering from OCD symptoms as a teenager, my parents completely minimized my problems. I know they didn’t do it to hurt me, but I sometimes feel that they ignored my “cries for help.” (See the BLT sandwich incident on my blog). So I do think that parents need to be aware of signs that their children want their help.
4.
ocdtalk | August 18, 2011 at 12:38 am
Thanks for your comment. I just read your BLT blog entry….that’s quite a story. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and maybe the lesson to be learned is to err on the side of caution. If your child is telling you, in one way or another, that something is wrong, it’s better to check it out with a professional than to just assume the problem is due to “teen angst”, or whatever, and doesn’t need to be taken seriously.